The Things That Make You Feel Like You

There are certain people who bring out a different side of me.

I laugh a little louder. I’m a little sillier. I don’t think quite as much about what needs to get done next. And sometimes I say things about horizontal stripes that probably should have remained an inside thought.

There are also things I do, places I go and moments I have when I notice the same thing.

I feel like me.

That may sound like an odd thing to say. After all, who else would I be?

But I think many of us know exactly what it means.

We can spend so much of our time being who we feel we need to be - in the different roles of our lives.

The professional.

The partner.

The parent.

The daughter.

The friend.

The problem-solver.

The one who remembers.

The one who gets things done.

Those are all parts of who we are. And many of them are important to us.

But they aren’t all of us.

And somewhere among the responsibilities, routines and expectations of everyday life, some of the things that make us feel most like ourselves can quietly and unintentionally get pushed aside.

We don’t wake up one morning and decide, I think I’ll stop doing the things I enjoy.

We get busy. Priorities shift. Life changes. Something we used to do regularly becomes something we haven’t done in years. Someone we once spent hours laughing with becomes someone we keep saying we need to call.

And before long, we may not even notice what’s missing.

Look for the clues

Start with simple questions.

What makes you feel like you?

Who are the people you’re with when you don’t feel like you have to be “on”?

What things leave you feeling energized rather than depleted?

When do you lose track of time?

What music makes you turn up the volume?

What did you used to love doing that you haven't thought about in a long time?

Or what version of yourself comes out when you're laughing so hard you can barely finish the story.

Those things may seem small, but I don’t think they are.

They’re clues.

Clues to what brings you joy. What gives you energy. What matters to you. What you may want a little more of in your life.

This isn’t about going backward.

Sometimes when we think about things we used to enjoy, it’s easy to turn the conversation into I wish I could go back.

But I don’t think that’s the point.

We’re not the same women we were 10, 20 or 30 years ago. Nor should we be.

Life has changed us. Experience has changed us. Our priorities have changed. We’ve changed.

The question isn’t how to get back to who you used to be.

It’s asking:

What parts of me still want a place in my life now?

Maybe you don’t want to do the exact things you once did. Maybe what feels like you today is something you haven’t even discovered yet.

But we have to give ourselves enough room to notice.

Feel More Like Yourself in Your Life

Call the friend who always makes you laugh.

Put music on while you’re making dinner instead of listening to the news.

Take an afternoon to wander through shops with nowhere else you need to be.

Pick up something you once loved doing.

Try something you’ve been curious about simply because it sounds fun.

Notice you haven’t had a good belly laugh -in far too long.

None of these things will remove the responsibilities from your life.

That’s not the goal.

The goal is to make sure there is still room for the person underneath all that responsibility.

You.

So perhaps instead of asking yourself what you need to change, start asking:

What makes me feel like me?

Pay attention to what comes to mind.

And then ask:

Am I making enough room for her in my life?